What I Learned at the Comedy Club

Preface:  Part of this isn't exactly G rated.  If you are super easily offended you might want to skip.    

 So, I went to Comedy Off Broadway the other night.   I'm not going to lie.  The comedian was raunchy.  I'm also not going to lie and tell you that my moral sensibilities were were so offended that I sat and seethed over his overtly lewd and misogynistic repertoire.  Yes, he was offensive.  But he was also pretty darned funny.  Lighten up a little.  :)  Anyway, you might be thinking, "what in the heck does some Chris Rock wanna be have to do with weight loss?"  Well, I'll tell you.

         Part of his routine focused on how lots of women seem to have "d---ks that don't count"  In other words, when counting the number of sexual partners they've had, some women gloss over some encounters simply because they were "too fast, too intoxicated, just friends, or whatever."  While he's going on about the excuses women use to justify not counting any number of notches on their bed posts, I got to thinking about how we use similar justification when thinking about he food we eat.  

         Thinking about this, I've compiled a list of excuses we use to "cancel out" calories that we really should be counting.  Over time, these excuse calories really do add up.  And---just like some kinky guy you might rather forget---those conveniently forgotten calories will come back to bite you in the butt. 

5 Calories That Really Do Count

1. "I only ate one"

      I love this excuse.  Its my go-to eating justification.  Let me give you an example of the fallacy here.  One Krispy Kreme Original Glazed clocks in at 200 calories.  Multiply that by 365 day in a year.  That equals a total of 73,000 calories.  If you gain one pound for every additional 3500 calories you consume, that "just one" doughnut can cause you to pack on 20 additional pounds in one year if you use this excuse every day.  Also worth thinking about:  If you speed walk at a 4.5 mile per hour clip (that's booking it girls), it will take you a half an hour to burn off that gooey goodness.  

2.  "Its little.  Surely something that small doesn't count right?" (okay, I'm pretty sure the comic used this one the other night too... lol)

     Lots of little things can pack a big calorie punch.  Think about it. One Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is 105 calories.  That is ONE.  Not the whole package.  Who eats one and leaves the other behind?  

3.  "I just took one bite"

     One bite of a Hershey Almond Bar (my personal fav) is 37 calories.  One bite sized cube of cheddar cheese is 55 calories.  Eat ten cubes and you've downed more calories than are in a McDonald's Cheeseburger.  

4. "It's nonfat"

     That nonfat banana is 110 calories.  That's more calories than are in that Reese's Cup.  Also, many foods that are nonfat or low fat actually have lots of added sugar to improve the taste.  Sugar adds calories.  Nonfat does not equal non caloric.  Calories are what cause us to gain weight.  

5.  "It was a drink.  It wasn't food"

      Okay, I'm sure that no one reading this blog is really dumb enough to believe this.  But, here's a list for you just to prove it to you.  

•          Large Coke from McDonalds=310 calories
•          One Shot of Jose Cuevo=69 calories.  
•          One Glass Orange Juice=112 (just 8 oz mind you.  That's not much at all)
•          One Starbucks Venti Iced White Chocolate Mocha=550
•          McDonald's Large Chocolate Shake=870 (you could have had a cheeseburger, small fries,  and a small Coke for less.)           

     So, how to we combat these phantom calories.  The ones that conveniently slip our minds.  Sneaky devils.  One thing that I have found to be a Godsend is charting what I eat.  There are lots of online programs (most are FREE) that will help you.  I use Sparkpeople.com .  I know other people have used http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ with success.  Both have I-phone apps that allow for even easier access.  These programs have thousands of foods already programmed.  You can also add and save your own entries.  The main thing to remember is if you eat it, you track it.  Do it right then.  These programs allow you to set a daily calorie range.  When you input the foods you eat, it shows you how many calories you have left.  No math require!  This really helps me plan and budget.  

     So, Ladies, to sum it up; if it goes in, you got to count it, whether you're talking about food or anything else.