Metamorphosis

    Much like a caterpillar who longs to someday transform into a butterfly, each one of us hefty gals has thin person buried deep inside.  This other self is just waiting for us to get it together so that she can emerge.  Before I started dieting, I felt much like that caterpillar--fat, squishy, lethargic--anything but beautiful.  The road to a healthier and happier me is much like a chrysalis--a stage of anticipation.  I'm not where I want to be yet, but I know that I'm doing something about it.  The waiting is the most difficult part, but I know that eventually the transformation will be well worth it.  So, who is this skinny girl who dwells within?  What does she want?  What will she be like when she spreads her wings flies free?  Here's a list of 5 goals and dreams that I have for my thinner self:

1.  I want to wear boots.  Okay, this may sound, trivial and vain, but it is something that is important to me.  I look at all you skinny bitches with your sexy, knee-high, high healed, kick-ass boots, and it makes me insanely jealous.  I want to be a member of that club.  Although those of you without a weight problem might not realize it, it is difficult for us larger ladies to find boots that will fit around our calves.  Even when you order them (which I have done---never worn them), you have to order the "wide calf" variety.  Who want's to wear those?  Plus, tall boots require you to wear them on the outside of your pants.  Even if I can squeeze my lower leg into the heifer size extended calf, they just don't look good when paired with the obligatory jeggings or stretch pants.

2.  I want to feel comfortable going to the pool.  I haven't been to a public pool in years.  Any woman with a weight problem will tell you that the thought of parading around half naked in front of hundreds of strangers is enough to send you into a panic attack.  The thought of sunning my cellulite in front of God and everybody down at the water park is just not fun and not worth it.  I know I won't ever have a perfect bikini body.  I really don't care if I do.  I just want to read my Danielle Steele and catch some rays without feeling like a beached whale.

3.  I want thighs that don't rub together.  Okay, this one might be a stretch.  I'm a pear.  I'll always be a pear.  I'm convinced that body shape is genetic.  Like most of the women in my family, I will always be heavier on the bottom than I am on the top.  But, I would love to know what it feels to have a little extra space between my left leg and my right.

4.  I want to see my collar bone.  I've heard that certain high schools are now requiring female students to wear shirts that cover this area.  Apparently, your collar bone is sexy.  I don't know--I haven't seen mine in a while. Apparently it is  so sexy that teenage boys can't concentrate on calculus in the presence of such immodesty.  While I'm not looking to corrupt any minors, I wouldn't mind having the over 30 crowd staring at something a little north of the other distractions on my chest.  

5.  I want to be able to paint my toenails without feeling like a contortionist.  Those of you who have always been thin can't appreciate how difficult this can be for the larger set.   Last time I did it, I think I pulled something out of socket (Don't take that line out of context---I'm still talking about my toenails.)  You skinny bitches make it look so damn easy.

      Even though I haven't reached these goals yet, while in this time of transition, I need to focus on the improvements I have made.  I can exercise without feeling like I'm going to keel over.  I can buy tops and dresses in the misses department.  I don't have to worry about seat belt extenders on my next airplane ride.  Those are things to celebrate.  If I can reach these goals, I can certainly attain the others on my list when my metamorphosis is complete.  I just can't wait to shed this cocoon and finally start living life as the svelte, lithe, beautiful creature I was always meant to be.