Hummmm…..something tells me you didn't expect to see this face of my blog. But bear with me. I've got some news---News I've been waiting a while to share, and news and pretty damned excited about. You see, I'm fairly certain Mike Tyson and I no longer have ANYTHING in common. Now, I could be wrong. Like me, the heavy weight champ could have a penchant for cocker spaniels, old houses, long relaxing baths in antique claw foot tubs, and ice cold Coca-Cola--but you know, something makes me kind of doubt it. I know what you're thinking--come on Erin, what could you and Mike Tyson have EVER had in common? He's certainly not the first person that would come to anyone's mind when drawing comparisons to me. But for a long time, Mike and I have shared something . And it isn't something I'm proud to admit (no dirty minds there). So here it is folks.
The Top 10 Reasons Mike Tyson and I Have Nothing in Common
1. He's a man. I'm a woman We just don't have the same equipment down there.
2. Besides the obvious the fact that he is African American, and I'm pretty much the whitest white girl on the planet, we look nothing alike.
3. He can knock you out. I can't throw a punch to save my life.
4. I've never had a drug problem--hell, I've never even smoked a joint.
5. Two pups and a little black cat are enough for me---I've never had any desire to own a tiger. (Seriously, is that for real, or was that just for The Hangover?)
6. I've never been in the slammer.
7. I don't have a facial tattoo. The only thing on my face is a little Mary Kay.
8. Ben had better be glad I treat him better than Tyson treated Robin Givens.
9. For some reason, I've never had the uncontrollable urge to bite anyone's ear off.
And…..Drum Roll Please….
10. I can now no longer meet the weight requirements to compete in a heavy weight boxing match.
Can you see me doing my happy dance? When that number went from a 2 to a 1 this morning, I was beyond excited. I haven't been under 200 pounds in a really long time. It was thrilling, it was exhilarating! It was beyond motivating.
I'll share something with you. Right before I started my weight loss quest a few years back I distinctly remember watching a documentary about Mike Tyson while sitting my fat ass in a recliner and shoveling a bowl full of buttered popcorn in my face. Why I as watching it, I don't know. It's not like I'm a huge boxing fan. Seriously, It would be pushing it for me to come up with the names of five professional boxers--and that includes the likes of Tyson and Ali. But for some reason--perhaps it was divine intervention, I was watching that day. During the documentary, they mentioned how much Mike Tyson weighed. I was shocked. I was considerably heavier that this heavy weight champ. I googled the weight requirements for heavy weight boxers. I didn't even come close to the lower end of the weight requirement. I will tell you---that was humbling and also pretty damn terrifying. But you know what, it opened my eyes. It made me see exactly how big (no pun intended) of a problem I had. And---I resolved to fix it.
Am I where I want to be? Nope. But thank God and Mike Tyson, I'm sure a hell of a lot closer than I was.
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