Shhh…I'm Going to Tell You a Secret!

 
     I recently have had many people ask me about the secret to my weigh loss success.  Today folks, I'm going to tell you.  I'm going to let that proverbial cat jump right out of the bag.  This is what I want anyone who struggles with weight to know.  The secret to shedding pounds is…

THERE IS NO SECRET!  

     Trust me when I say this.    Everything you need to know, you already know.  Every tool you need in your weight loss toolbox, you already possess.   Unless you are living under a rock, you know that the way that anyone loses weight is by cutting calories and increasing exercise.  Seriously folks, that's it.  That is all I have done--No fad diets, no gimmicks.   The problem is, although we know what to do, we don't alway have the mindset needed to put it into practice.  

     This is exactly where I found myself in January 2012.  I was miserable--and I don't say that lightly.  I absolutely hated looking at my body in the mirror or having my picture taken--anything that allowed me to see the body that I had literally eaten myself into.  Physically, I felt terrible.  My body ached, my feet killed me, and I couldn't walk even reasonable distances without getting out of breath.  I avoided shopping for clothes.  I couldn't stand going into the dressing room and trying on clothes that weren't flattering, fit poorly, and couldn't mask my problem.   I'd even stopped wearing makeup, because I figured, with a body like mine, what the hell was the point.  Mentally and emotionally, I felt like I was sinking into a bottomless pit of hopelessness and despair.  But here's the thing.  As emotionally and physically taxing as that time was, it finally caused me come to a crossroads.  I could either go on living the way I was living, or I could fix it.  And--I'm so glad that I dug deep inside and found the inner strength to choose the latter.  

      Although there isn't a "secret" to my success, I do believe there are helpful guidelines--guiding principles I want to share with others who might be in the same boat I found myself in three years ago.  Today, I'm going to share them with you. 

1.  Be Ready Mentally:  Losing weight starts with your mentality.  You can't and won't lose weight until you are mentally ready to do so.  No one else can make you.  Your mama can't twist your arm.  Your partner can't nag you until you change.  Your doctor can't scare you into submission with her statistics about heart disease and diabetes.  YOU HAVE TO DECIDE.  It might sound selfish, but this is about you.  It isn't about anyone else.  You will be the one that is responsible for making the changes and sacrifices necessary to drop the pounds, so you have to be in the frame of mind to do it.  I'm here to tell you--until you reach that place in your own head, you can't and won't do it.  The key here is believing in yourself and loving yourself enough to change.  And you know what--that is a difficult but necessary mental shift that you are just going to have to make.  

2.  Take Responsibility.  Own up to it sister.  You put the weight on.  You have to be the one to take it off.  One caveat though:  you have to be careful with the blame and shame that comes with this one.  You have to stop blaming your own weight issues on whatever it is that you find to blame them on.  Stop telling yourself its all genetic.  Stop telling yourself its because you have an insatiable sweet tooth.  Stop telling yourself that you don't have time to exercise or prepare healthy meals. These are lies that we tell ourselves to justify the behaviors that put ourselves in this predicament to begin with.  Lies I repeatedly told myself until they became so ingrained in my psyche that they still creep into my head today.  

     However, on the other hand, you can't beat yourself up.  Stop shaming yourself--you know you do it.  I still do.  You cannot change your past.  You can't take back the bad choices that made you pack on the pounds.  What you can do is make positive choices that will impact your future and help you succeed. Once you accept responsibility you can begin making the changes necessary to meet your goals.  

3.  Find Accountability.  One thing that really helps me is keeping a food journal.  I currently use my Fitbit to do this.  There are also online programs such as Sparkpeople.com and Myfitnesspal that can help with this.  Without tracking, it is so easy to overeat.  Seeing a visual of my caloric intake helps me stay on track.  Think of it as you would a household budget.  If you plan your financial limits and then track your expenses, you are much less likely to overspend.  The same is true when you plan a calorie limit and then track the number of calories you consume.  

     Exercise accountability is also key.  Again, find something to track it!  It is so much more motivating for me to know how many calories I'm burning as I exercise.  I've found success with my Fitbit.  I love it!  Being able to actually see the numbers makes me want to burn even more.  I also like how Fitbit allows you to compete with others.  This is really a motivator for me.  

     Finding social accountability is also important.  If you can find someone else who shares your weigh loss and fitness goals--be that a romantic partner, friend, or even an online support group,  you will be more successful.  Work together to keep yourselves on track.  

4.  Stop Beating Yourself Up.  You have to realize that no one is perfect.  You will stumble.  You will eat things you shouldn't.  You will cheat.  The thing you have to remember is this.  In the words of Scarlett O'Hara, "Tomorrow is another day!"  If you screw up today, pick yourself back up tomorrow and try again.  One piece of chocolate cake won't sabotage all of your hard work.  What will sabotage your efforts is letting small failures defeat you.  

     So, folks--that's it.  The secret/no secret of shedding the pounds.  This is what I know, and this is what I want to share.  

This is how you can go from here...

To here…

And BEYOND!  

If you really want a secret, here it is…believe in yourself.  You can do it.  You can change.  You can be who you want to be.  Stop lying to yourself, pick yourself up off the couch and just do it!  

Silencing the Negativity

     When I go shopping, I'm generally the kind of person who wants to be left alone.  I like to browse without having some salesperson breathe down my neck--sniffing me out to see if I'm going to help up their commission.  Case in point:  When I go to Macy's it seems like I can't even step a toe over the line of the shoe department before some sales person pounces on me.  Helpful service is one thing, but feeling like you are being stalked by some jungle cat when you are just looking for a cute pair of sandals is quite another.  I hate it!  So why is it, that today, when I got exactly what I always say that I want--when the people working the floor let me be--why was it that my brain turned it around into something quite unsettling?
     Today, I shopped at a store where I haven't been able to fit into anything in YEARS.  I've been in there a few times in the past month and a half or so, because I was feeling fairly certain I was on the cusp of being able to fit into what they sell.  A week or so ago, I went in there briefly and tried one thing on.  It didn't' fit.  I got discouraged and walked out.  Today, I put on my big girl panties (aptly so, considering where I was)  and decided to give it another go.  I walked in---a little self conscious (Okay, a lot self conscious) and proceeded to browse.  Many of the things I could still just eyeball and say, "yep…still not going to work…" But there were some things that I decided were worth taking back to the fitting room.  As I was shopping though, NOT ONE SINGLE sales associate approached me.  Like I said, normally, I would have been delighted to have been left alone to shop at my leisure, but today, I had a running commentary of negativity flowing though my brain.  It went something like this:

"You are too big to wear anything in this store…no one wants to waste their time helping you because they know that you won't be buying anything."

"See that sales person and customer over there…she's helping her because she's thin.  She's belongs in here.  You don't.

 "Everyone in this store is thinking, 'who is that fat ass kidding.  Even if she can shimmy into some of these things, she's still going to look like a beached whale in them'"."

 "None of the sales people want to help you because if you take something into the dressing room and try to shove yourself into it, you might bust the seams and destroy it."

Somehow, despite the horribly negative self talk I subjected myself to, I did make it to the dressing room with a few items.  You know, I'm really glad I did.  When I got back there, two other customers were waiting.  Two other normal sized women.  Two women that probably haven't struggled with weight like I have.  And you know what they said to me?

"What is going on in here today?  There is no attendant in the dressing room, and hardly anybody on the floor.  Must be shift change or something.  Do you think we should just go back and put ourselves in a dressing room?"

     Talk about a reality check.  The sales people weren't ignoring me because I was fat.  They weren't ignoring me because I was not worth their time.  They weren't ignoring me because God forbid I might pop an underwire.   The bottom line is they weren't waiting on me because they weren't there, or they were busy with someone else!
     At that point I decided I just needed to get over myself and turn off the ugly self talk.  It's unhealthy.  It's lethal to my self esteem.  It isn't worth my time or the way it makes me feel.   The kicker is, when you have talked down to yourself for so long, it is hard to stop.  But, I'm going to make it a point to try.  Negative self talk is a habit--just like over eating.  It is going to take time to break it.
     I left that store today with a new perspective.  I also left the store with a little pink bag…and I was pretty damn proud of myself for both.
   


   
   

Thoughts On Iron Mike Tyson and Divine Intervention.

     Hummmm…..something tells me you didn't expect to see this face of my blog.  But bear with me.  I've got some news---News I've been waiting a while to share, and news and pretty damned excited about.  You see,  I'm fairly certain  Mike Tyson and I no longer have ANYTHING in common. Now, I could be wrong.  Like me, the heavy weight champ could have a penchant for cocker spaniels, old houses,  long relaxing baths in antique claw foot tubs, and ice cold Coca-Cola--but you know, something makes me kind of doubt it. I know what you're thinking--come on Erin, what could you and Mike Tyson have EVER had in common?  He's certainly not the first person that would come to anyone's mind when drawing comparisons to me.  But for a long time, Mike and I have shared something .  And it isn't something I'm proud to admit (no dirty minds there). So here it is folks.  

The Top 10 Reasons Mike Tyson and I Have Nothing in Common

1.  He's a man.  I'm a woman  We just don't have the same equipment down there. 

2. Besides the obvious the fact that he is African American, and I'm pretty much the whitest white girl on the planet, we look nothing alike.

3. He can knock you out.  I can't throw a punch to save my life.

4.  I've never had a drug problem--hell, I've never even smoked a joint. 

5.  Two pups and a little black cat are enough for me---I've never had any desire to own a tiger. (Seriously, is that for real, or was that just for The Hangover?)

6.  I've never been in the slammer.  

7. I don't have a facial tattoo.  The only thing on my face is a little Mary Kay. 

8.  Ben had better be glad I treat him better than Tyson treated Robin Givens.  

9.  For some reason, I've never had the uncontrollable urge to bite anyone's ear off. 

And…..Drum Roll Please….

10.  I can now no longer meet the weight requirements to compete in a heavy weight boxing match.  

     Can you see me doing my happy dance?  When that number went from a 2 to a 1 this morning, I was beyond excited.  I haven't been under 200 pounds in a really long time.  It was thrilling, it was exhilarating!  It was beyond motivating.  

      I'll share something with you.  Right before I started my weight loss quest a few years back I distinctly remember watching a documentary about Mike Tyson while sitting my fat ass in a recliner and shoveling a bowl full of buttered popcorn in my face.  Why I as watching it, I don't know.  It's not like I'm a huge boxing fan.  Seriously, It would be pushing it for me to come up with the names of five professional boxers--and that includes the likes of Tyson and Ali.  But for some reason--perhaps it was divine intervention, I was watching that day.  During the documentary, they mentioned how much Mike Tyson weighed.  I was shocked.  I was considerably heavier that this heavy weight champ.  I googled the weight requirements for heavy weight boxers.  I didn't even come close to the lower end of the weight requirement.  I will tell you---that was humbling and also pretty damn terrifying.  But you know what, it opened my eyes. It made me see exactly how big (no pun intended) of a problem I had.  And---I resolved to fix it.  

    Am I where I want to be?  Nope.  But thank God and Mike Tyson, I'm sure a hell of a lot closer than I was.