Get a Move On

     Dieting is all well and good, but without pairing it with exercise, it is next to impossible to lose weight.  I've said it before, if you can add, subtract, multiply and divide---you can lose weight.  You just have to make the numbers work for you.  Knowing these facts to be true, I decided it was time to get my rear back in gear and rejoin a gym.  I've been a gym member before.  When I first started my weight loss journey about three years ago, I joined a local gym, and it really helped me lose the pounds.    But here's the thing. As I got complacent and comfortable, I stopped going--and eventually decided that  if I wasn't going to go, it wasn't worth the dough.  So, I dropped my membership.  As I've watched my weight ratchet up, I've realized that was a mistake--but not an uncorrectable error.  Thus brings me to a new beginning.

     On Friday afternoon, I visited two gyms, and on Saturday morning a third.  As I was touring the facilities, I kept wondering what must being going on in the heads of those gym rats who where trying to woo me into a contract.  I mean, I'm sure they have a script, and I'm sure they want to thoroughly represent all their particular facility has to offer--but come on, some of their dog and pony shows were a tad over the top--especially at one particular facility I visited. 

     At the second gym I visited, I was greeted at the door by college aged muscle head--all ripped arms, six pack, and pearly whites.  He exuded enthusiasm--or perhaps I misread that for the fact that he could smell my desperation-I'm pretty sure he was going to get compensated if he got me to sign on the dotted line.  It kind of reminded me of shopping in the shoe department at Macy's--you know, when the sales associates nearly try to jump your bones just to get a sale.   I could tell this was going to be fun.  As he showed me around the gym, I had a running commentary in my head, that in retrospect, I really wish I had shared with him--but since I just smiled and nodded my head at the time, I will now share it with you.  Here are my tips for showing a plus size thirty something woman around your gym:

1.  Don't take me directly to the free weights.  I don't care about the free weights.  Not yet at least.  They intimidate me.  The guy with the steroid arms, popping a vein in the corner--he intimidates me.  This is not the main draw for me.  I understand that strength training is important.  But it isn't my number one focus right now.  I'm just not ready to the bench press.  I might never be.

    Do show me the weight machines.  They intimidate me a hell of a lot less than barbells and dumbbells.  Just be forewarned that you are going to have to demonstrate--I'm not going to intuitively know what to do. 

2.    Don't tell me how great the new fangled fitness crazy is if I don't look like I could ever in a million years pull it off.  Muscle head took me into a room and showed me the "silks."  I'd never seen anything quite like them---a couple of long silk scarves hanging from the ceiling.  There were pictures on the wall of skinny bitches  all wrapped up in those things.  It reminded me of something that belonged in a strip club more than in the gym. (although from what I understand pole dancing is pretty damn good exercise.)  Trust me, no one wants to see me do that, and I certainly don't want to end up in the emergency room.  

     Do show me the treadmill--I can handle that--all you have to do is put one foot in front of the other. Show me the elliptical.  I could most likely handle that too.  Show me how to hook my headphones up to the machines and how to change the channel on the televisions.  I don't enjoy exercise, and I need a distraction.  This is important to me. 

3.  Don't pressure me into signing a long term contract.  I know some might disagree on that one, and I also understand that is the nature of the beast in some places.  But here's the deal.  I'm afraid.  I'm scared I won't make it past next week much less into next year--that I'm on a new year, new me high, and I'll get over myself by February.  And certainly don't tell me that the contract is "for my own good"--that's kind of insulting.  

     Do  understand when I want to check out other facilities.  I'm probably not ready to make a snap decision.  Even if you are offering a deal that expires in an hour--I need time to think it over and consider my options.  

    In the end, I joined the last gym I visited.  It is actually in the same location where I had been a member previously, it is just now under a new name and new ownership.  They offered me a great teacher discount, I didn't have to sign a long term contract, and they had all new cardio equipment.  There aren't many bells and whistles, and there aren't any stripper silks, but it felt comfortable, and that was important.  Now it's just up to me to make myself walk in the door.  I keep telling myself I'm going to do it.